I was staying with my Grandma when my 4-year-old brother came up to me and said: “Something is wrong, where is Mom?” Ten minutes later we received a phone call that Mom is gone. She was with my 3-month-old sister when they found her car flipped over on the side of the road. My sister survived.
“What will happen to us,” I whispered to my Grandma at the funeral. I was scared, but she didn’t have the answer. It was painful because there were four of us. And how could she financially support us?
“Will we go to foster care?” I asked.
But we didn’t. Grandma received support from Mom’s life insurance, and she raised us.
But when Mom died, I felt I went into the grave with her for 3 full years. I could not share my feelings with anyone. I was ashamed of showing so much pain that I felt during that time. I was so hurt!
Then, Grandma decided to respect the organ donor wish of my Mom and it contributed to my anger. For me this meant that Mom’s eyes are walking around on someone else. And what if I see them? It was scary to even think about, but today I look at it differently, especially when I became a mother myself. Maybe my Mom saved someone’s life. Maybe it was someone’s child.
And it’s crazy of all a child can feel and face during the loss. I couldn’t let go. I went on a complete investigation! Where was she before the accident?! She didn’t go to the WICK’s office like she was supposed to! I felt there was more to the story and I was putting the puzzles together, but in reality, nothing could bring her back.
It was later that I found support groups.
Because I received helped, today I can recognize other women’s pain. And I’ll tell you: I know just by speaking with women if they’ve lost their mom or not. I also recognize that some women are young at being motherless daughters, so I usually offer support that I recognize they need. But communication is the key.
Communicating is like plating seeds. We, motherless daughters, we plant seeds.
I openly speak to my friends, letting them know that their moms are not going to be there forever, especially the ones with bad relationships with their mom, they need to hear it, because when the loss happens, most likely they’ll suffer and feel guilty.
I took so many turns in life without the guidance of my Mom, and I never knew I could take care of my siblings. But today, I find myself taking care of four of my own kids. All of my siblings are fine, too. My sister that was in the car when the accident happened, is pregnant. And when the car flipped that day, my Mom must have known I got this. She knew I’d have the strength to do it all. She knew because I am her daughter!